ALECOMM

MY STORY - the story of a lowly martyr foster carer who doesn't have a real life - and prefers to spent all her time telling anyone who will listen that she's been hard done by.  Introducing Helen ...

A: (from a kinship carer)

B: This is something I have been working on for a while - I know I have had it quite easy compared to most of you.  I have called this "My Story" which started in 2010.

C: Sitting here watching tv is such a sad thing to be doing yet what else is there to do on a Sunday night when you are a parent of a little one....ahhh well that’s life even if it’s a life you were not expecting to be living at your age.

D: At 54 years of age I should be out enjoying life, my family and my grandkids but as can happen, the universe throws something at you that you didn’t ever think would happen. Your kids are grown & you have grandkids then you find out that there is another grandchild that you didn’t even know about and that he is in foster care.

E: What do you do??

F: You talk to your partner and do what is right & you take steps to get the child out of care. You have an appointment with the child protection people to find out what you have to do to get him out of care and into your home.

G: You talk to your children and ask their advice and every answer is the same – do what you have to do to get him home with you.

H: You ask that you meet him. He is 6 months old when you meet for the first time. He is the most charming child, and him you cry and don’t want to let him go.

I: There is a court hearing coming up and the child protection people ask you to attend court. You go. The child’s mother and other grandmother is there, you & your husband stay away from them so that there would be no trouble.

J: The judge awards the child to you & your husband in a kinship placement. You are asked to be at the child protection office at 4pm to pick the child up so that you can take him home, he is now 7 months old.

K: How excited you are and two of your kids & their families are coming to meet him. He is a happy child but at 7 months is a little behind in his development and you put this down to the fact that he was taken from his mother at 5 weeks and placed into foster care and had been in 2 different foster placements before he came into your care.

L: You take time off from work to get used to having him in your home and to learn what his cries mean though he doesn’t cry very much at all.

M: In the first few days that you are getting to know him you notice that he doesn’t sit by himself, or eat solid food, or make eye contact with anyone..... he has no social skills at all.

N: You make arrangements for him to go to day care 2 days a week so that you can go back to work.

O: His mother has access visitation awarded by the court on 2 days per week for 3 hours each time. She is trying to show that she is in charge. She strips him naked to check him over and changes his clothes, won’t give him any of the food/bottles that you send along with him. She changes his nappy at least 4 times in the 3 hour visit and if he sleeps, she prods and pokes him to try to wake him up. He gets upset when he has to go to see his mother.

P: He loves day care and after a week he is slowly starting to take an interest in what is going on around him and is starting to eat solid food.

Q: Now the trouble with his mother starts.... you stole her child – you are keeping her child from her (she has court ordered access which has never been denied). You write in a notebook the things that he has done between visits with her and she doesn’t look at it, just throws it back at you.

R: You do your best to keep the peace. Back to court as she is appealing the courts decision – this is rejected and things are to remain the same – he is in your care – until the next appeal.... don’t know just how many times she has appealed any decision by the court but 3 ½ years later in Children’s Court in Melbourne, you have finally got a permanent care order – she appeals & is denied.

S: She now continues the onslaught of abuse both verbal & written against you, claiming that you neglect his medical needs, you are abusing him, his aboriginal heritage (not on your side of the family & she won’t tell anyone who his father is).

T: AVO’s taken out in NSW at a cost to you – costs awarded against her but she has no way of paying them so you wear it.

U: The written abuse continues – you take what you can (printed) to the Police – they then take an IVO (in Vic) against her for 2 years – during this time she breaches several times – nothing happens in the courts. Intervention orders stop nothing.

V: Thank goodness you have good friends. These friends help you by supporting you in court, keeping an eye on social media & sending it to the police prosecutor. They take her to court for breaches of the IVO, she is placed on a good behaviour bond – breaks the bond several times and she doesn’t care.

W: I doubt that she will ever learn that what she is doing will affect her child when he is old enough to see just what she has been doing his whole life.

X: It has now been almost 10 years since this child came to us. He is happy, healthy and full of life.

Y: He has a learning disability but he is in mainstream school and is doing very well. He loves going to school, to read and loves his maths and is always asking questions. He loves learning to play tennis, playing with his cousins, his xbox, ipad, wii and the PC.

Z: He is well adjusted and much loved.

Would I do it all over again if I could go back in time – bloody hell YES I would.