"Liberal and Labour History: The Condensed Version"
- Details
- Category: Uncategorised
- Created: Friday, 10 February 2012 14:55
- Written by John H Wilson
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals, and
2 Labor.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminium can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Liberal movement...
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Liberals by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Labor movement.
Some of these labor men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Labor achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the Liberals provided.
Modern Laborites like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Labor fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, ABC staff and group therapists are Laborites.
Liberals drink domestic beer, mostly Carlton or XXXX. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Liberals are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Liberals who own companies hire other Liberals who want to work for a living.
Laborites produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. That is why most of the laborites created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Laborite may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Liberal will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more laborites just to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self, I'm going to have another beer.
